


1335

by JaMills



Category: SPY x FAMILY (Manga)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Child Loss, Dark, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Kidnapping, Post-Break Up, Songfic, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:47:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28365633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaMills/pseuds/JaMills
Summary: Anya disappears one day and her parents look out for her. They would find her quick, they were sure of it.It's been eight years.
Relationships: Anya Forger & Loid Forger | Twilight & Yor Briar Forger | Thorn Princess
Comments: 16
Kudos: 41





	1335

**Author's Note:**

> The lyrics on this fic are from Dillon's "Thirteen Thirty-five", which has so many different interpretations on the internet that I just decided to pick the angstiest one on a whim. I'm sorry.
> 
> Have a good read!!

•

  
_Strongest taste_  
_Loudest drop_  
_Head is filled_  
_The thought, unlocked._

_Strongest taste_  
_Loudest drop_  
_Head is filled_  
_The thought, unlocked._

••

The air smelt like cigar smoke and cheap beer. On a corner, a mediocre jazz band played for the few customers at that time, late in the night. Lost and lonely people who probably couldn't pay for a better bar, or actually just didn't care. Twilight was one of them. He usually picked the first one open when in a new city.

  
He brought the cup to his lips, the whiskey burning on his throat as he stared at nothing. In a worn-out trenchcoat and old hat, he felt as the most pathetic figure in that bar. Maybe he was hoping to be it. That wish of both be ignored and also noticed so more people could feel his pain. Why? Because he was tired. Desperate. And still naively hopeful that one day, he'd get a clue, for more meaningless it meant.

  
It was an inconspicuous tuesday night. It was her birthday.

  
She'd be thirteen today.

  
  


•

_You'd be thirteen_  
_I'd be thirty-five_  
_Gone to find a place for us to_  
_Hide_

_Be together but alone_  
_As the need for it has grown_

••

Thirteen. Or twelve. Even eleven. He was never sure of her age since he picked her up at that orphanage. So tiny, so defenseless, but still so smart. Nowadays he thought she lied to him when saying she was six. Always struggling to catch up with her classmates, being called childish by friends that should be her age... Yeah, she was definitely younger. So he couldn't be sure of her exact age today. Eleven. Thirteen. 

Does it really make a difference? 

She was still lost for eight years.

•

_A cave or a shed_  
_A car or a bed_  
_A hole in the ground_  
_Or a burial mound_  
_A bush or a tree_  
_Or the Aegean see will do for me_

••

He motioned to the waiter to serve him another cup. At this point, he should have just bought a bottle, knowing this was a pattern he repeated every year on this exact day.

Twilight had met parents of missing children in his search. They always carried a photograph with them. Smiling, playing, happy, safe. He also had one on the first two years. When Yor left, though, he got rid of the photo. He didn't need that. He had her face ingrained on her brain far too clearly. Her bright green eyes, her smug grin of victory, her pink curls tousled by the wind as she pointed at the carrousel she wanted to go at the park...

  
The park.

It was the last time they had seen her. 

  
Had he known that, he wouldn't let her go of his hand. He wouldn't leave the house. He wouldn't even allow her to leave her room.

But he did it. And in a moment of distraction of her parents, she was gone. Just like their dog, who would be found later shot dead behind a bush.

They killed the dog and took the kid. Why? Why such a cruel way of acting, to such a harmless family? It's what the people must have asked themselves when hearing the news days later.

Both Twilight and Yor used every single resource they had at the time, in and against the law. This wasn't about Operation Strix or the scam marriage for appearances. This was their daughter. Their sweet, innocent, dear daughter who had no fault in all of their secret sins. She didn't deserve it. Even if whatever organization planned to use it for revenge, it was just too cruel. Everything in the world, but not her.

Still, they didn't have a clue on where she was. One could guess that with both WISE, the SSS and Yor's shop looking out for her, they would find something sooner or later, right?

They found two months later, with an apprehended scientist who only spoke a word after getting beaten to a pulp.

_"They crossed the border. No idea if by sea or land. They could be anywhere."_

  
The bastard managed to kill himself in jail hours later, refusing to let out any more useful information.

The border. So they were outside of Ostania. The world was a big place, but they would find her. It was just a matter of time.

This is what Twilight told himself everyday during the first months.

But with every season passing, he could feel himself losing hope.

  
_•_

_I can say that you'd look pretty_  
_You turn my legs into spaghetti_  
_You set my heart on fire_

  
••

Eight years have passed by and few were the footprints they could follow along.

  
They had discovered a lot of things about her background on the search. Just like there was a moment Twilight had to confess he was a spy and Yor had to admit she was an assassin, he had to say about his daughter being adopted. How she had came from a lot of families, how she seemed an expert in running and hiding.

They found out about the experiment, about how she had special abilities to be used as a weapon. They just weren't sure on what those are. Maybe mind-reading? It did make sense, she was always so sensitive and attentive of people's behaviour. Twilight always felt like he couldn't really hide anything from her. 

Now and then, he would wake up at night wondering "How are you?". Not "where", but "how". Was she alive? Was she safe? Did she manage to grow up into a fine young lady? Maybe, just maybe, she had found another family that took better care of her? He hoped for that. She could be feeling hatred and hurt for them not being there to protect, but he hoped she was safe. She'd be so tall, so pretty at this age. He wished he could see her.

As Twilight stares at the empty cup on the table, he feels something wet rolling down his face. 

A tear. 

  
It's been sometime since he cried for her.

  
•

_For you I found a vent_  
_In the bottom of a coal mine_  
_Just enough space for your hands in the inside_

_If you go_  
_Do let me know_

••

  
At difficult times, it expected that you clinge to people for emotional support, so you can both raise your heads and keep going.

Not Twilight. No, no. He decided to turn his back to the only person who was there with him for every moment of the ride, the only one who was suffering as much as him.

Yor tried, she really did. Looking back now, she did far more than a woman on her place would do for him. He was an enemy of her country, a man who lied to her about everything and now was crying for a child he picked randomly just for a mission. He didn't deserve her hugs, her gentle comfort words at night when she herself was about to collapse from exhaustion and worry over their missing daughter. He didn't, even more after breaking vases against the wall and shouting at her that this was all a mistake. The adoption, the scam marriage, everything. He regretted it. He regretted leaving his comfort zone and ending up hurting so bad as he did now. He should have done all of this alone, as Agent Twilight was known to do. If he was on his own, he wouldn't feel so much pain. If it was just him, they wouldn't have taken-

A slap. This was all Yor had given him, with a tear-stained face, after he had talked so much bullshit. He lowkey wished she had killed him on the spot. She was very much capable of it. It'd make things easier for the coward bastard he had turned into.

It didn't take long for Yor leave their home after that, though she certainly was still invested in looking for their daughter as much as him. Agent Twilight was alone once again, just as he wanted from the start. He wished he could feel relief. Instead, he felt empty.

•

_You'd be thirteen_  
_I'd be thirty-five_  
_Gone to find a place for us to hide_

_A den or a dessert_  
_Perhaps an ink squirt_  
_A cellar, a wishing well, a war_  
_Or a guarantee will do for me_

  
••

He leaves some money on the bar table that's more than enough to cover his drinks and walk out of the place into the chilly nagyrian night. He had some work to do for WISE on this country on the next day. Maybe he should also look for some clues on his unending search. 

The blonde lights up a cigarette and looks up at the cloudy sky. Not even a single star to greet him. Stars reminded him of her. His resurgent habit of smoking, too. At this point, everything reminded him of her.

  
_•_

_If you go_  
_Please let me know_

  
••

  
He walk down the streets on the way to the cheap hotel he was staying in. His room has a narrow balcony to watch the city at night. This place was so big. Lights, the noise of cars and people refusing to sleep, making it impossible for a young girl's voice to be heard calling for help. He still wished he could hear her, once. Just one more time before he died.

"Happy birthday, Anya." He whispered preparing himself to sleep.

••

_I go running with a heart on fire_

•

**Author's Note:**

> I killed Bond, sorry again.  
> Thoughts on a part 2? Not a single one to be honest, let's all focus on happy stuff from now on ~~
> 
> See you next time!! ❤️


End file.
